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The Official Trash Talkin' Tom Archives Page

Here's the best of the man with the attitude about everything in life and gaming in particular.

Ten Random Exodus Cards and Ten Random Thoughts

  1. Forbid - Have you noticed the deeper we get into this cycle, the more convoluted the buyback becomes? Pretty soon we'll have cards like: "Buyback: Give a pint of blood.".

  2. Ephemeron - Looks like a flying cricket. Yuck.

  3. Spike Cannibal - The mind boggles. Just think of the Token Deck you can make with this! Aku Djinn, Spike Rogue, Mindless Automaton, Spike Cannibal, Workhorse, Spike Feeders... the list is endless. Just call it TurboSpike (you heard it here first).

  4. Kor Chant - They look like they're all on drugs. Some chant.

  5. Keeper of the Dead - I betcha she's praying for a tan.

  6. Jackalope Herd - Where, I ask you, does this fit in the story line? Are jackalopes a childhood experiment of Volrath's gone wrong? Sometimes I think the R&D department has regressed into childhood.

  7. Ertai, Wizard Adept - Who needs to have a hand to play anymore? Besides, he looks like a punk.

  8. Mana Breach - I thought this was the first blue Rebecca Guay card. After consulting the MoxPerl database, I found out this is the third blue card she has done; not counting Sky Spirit, which is blue and white. What does this mean? I dunno. I just thought it was weird.

  9. Mogg Assassin - (sigh) Coin toss cards. Yeah, I suppose WotC is right. Magic does get a little predictable (Cool! I got manascrewed again!). Flipping a coin to see whether an effect goes off adds just enough spice to the game. All coin-toss cards should have this in the text - heads, I'm a luckbomber; tails, I'm an idiot for playing this card.

  10. Soul Warden - BAH-ROKENNN! In a draft, suck these babies up. Play them all. Lay down two in your first two turns. Gain an obscene amount of life. Get beat down by a Jackalope Herd with Conviction on it. What the ?!? Congratulations! You've made the Pro tour.
Thanks for your time. Keep zippy.

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My DCI Ranking

I'm the seventh worst ranked player of Magic in the world.

Wow.

I really must give kudos to Wizards of the Coast for making this information readily available to anybody with online access. Now I can go to a tournament anywhere in the world, present my DCI number, and have some schmuck say, "Whoa dude, you suck."

Gee, thanks.

Now, don't get me wrong. I really am a scrub. I'll never live down the time I didn't beat Dennis Bentley in a sanctioned booster draft because I failed to Dissipate his @!%*#& Honorable Passage, or the innumerable times I've tried to cast a sorcery as an instant or tried to block a Black Knight with a Warrior En-Kor (Cool! I redirect the first strike damage to...oh, right. Pro white. I'll take two). Hey, tattoo an "S" on my forehead, brother, for I am a card-carrying member of Scrub World.

But seventh worst in the entire freakin' world?

What EVER. And people wonder why I have a bad attitude.

Well, I feel the need to document my (hopeful) climb up from the basement of the Magic world, so, Boldo willing, I'll inflict my musings on you every so often so you too can take heart in one thing:

Thank God there's someone out there who sucks worse than I do.

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Last Modified on Tuesday, 13-Jun-2000 10:45:25 EDT